Sex is Painful! What Can I Do?
If you’re here, you’ve probably (all of a sudden) started experiencing pain during sex. First of all, know that you are not alone: there are many common situations that lead to pain in the vaginal area or abdomen during sex. But that doesn’t mean you have to keep enduring it!
It is important for both your mental health and physical health to identify a cause for painful sex and look for solutions. Summit Women’s Health is here to help you gather information to make sure your pelvic health is protected.
When should I see my doctor about painful sex?
The general rule of thumb is to see a doctor when pain during sex is “frequent or severe” – so, frequent meaning that it happens more than every once in a while, and severe meaning that, on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the most pain you’ve ever felt), you would rate this pain higher than a 3.
If you feel your pain doesn’t meet those criteria, you may be able to try some remedies on your own. Small changes that can help eliminate pain during sex include:
Talking to your partner. Describing what is hurting and when can help you both avoid actions that cause pain. This is also a good opportunity for you and your partner to discuss what is pleasurable for you during sex.
Using a lubricant. Water-based and silicone-based lubricants are good options because they are safe to use with condoms. Do not use any oil-based products, like Vaseline or general lotions, with condoms, because they will cause the condom to no longer be effective.
Setting aside time for sex. Choose a time when you and your partner can feel rested and calm, rather than tired or anxious.
Trying sensual or sexual activities that do not cause pain. Activities like massage, mutual masturbation, or oral sex can be enjoyable depending on where the pain is located during sex. They may also help you work back toward comfort and pleasure during other sexual activities.
Different types of pain during sex
If you are in the “frequent or severe” pain category, you’ll want to make an appointment to see your provider. Before coming in, it can help to think about where exactly you’re feeling pain during sex. Common areas include:
The perineum, which is the space between the bottom of the vagina and the anus
The vulva, which is the external area around the vagina
The entrance of the vagina
Inside the vagina
Other pelvic areas and organs, including the lower back or bladder
You may also want to consider whether the pain is dull or sharp, whether it lasts after sexual intercourse has stopped, and whether it hurts at any other time (like while urinating or exercising).
As you think about all of the above, jot down your notes so that you can remember them when you meet with your doctor.
Different causes of pain during sex
There are basically two categories of situations that can cause pain during sex:
Sexual response problems, such as not experiencing desire or arousal
Gynecological conditions, such as endometriosis or fibroids
Sexual Response
For sexual response problems, you may want to look further into ways to make sure you and your partner are comfortable and at ease during sex. When people feel emotions like shame, fear, guilt, anxiety, or exhaustion, it makes it very difficult for them to be sexually aroused, which can easily lead to painful sex. Similarly, one partner desiring sex more than the other or a difficulty with sexual performance in either partner can create stress and decrease arousal. All of these situations are best addressed through open, calm communication between partners.
However, there is another cause for sexual response problems that has nothing to do with the people involved: medical conditions and medications. Medical conditions like diabetes, thyroid problems, cancer, and arthritis can all cause painful sex. Certain medications, particularly some pain medicines and antidepressants, are known for causing a decrease in libido. You may want to talk to the doctors who prescribed your medications to discuss whether there may be other options to treat your condition.
Gynecological Conditions
This is where your Summit Women’s Health provider can come in. Your doctor can perform a pelvic exam and run tests, as well as perform an ultrasound if need be. They will check for things like skin problems around the vagina, hormonal changes that cause vaginal dryness, sexually transmitted infections, and infections of the vagina (like a yeast infection).
Whatever the cause of pain during sex, there are options available to you. To make an appointment with your Summit Women’s Health provider, book an appointment online or call us at (681) 282-5591.